Jealousy.

My Father moved through dooms of Love

- E.E. Cummings

"and nothing quite so least as truth.
--i say though hate were why men breathe--
because my Father lived his soul
love is the whole and more than all"




This was a long poem, but I couldn't stop reading it.  The way E.E. Cummings writes, makes you want to keep reading and figure out exactly what he's trying to say.  I think it's talking about how good love can be when you feel the different emotions when you love someone; also how horrible love can be.  The main point though, is no matter how bad or hard you love someone, you can't protect them from hurt and things that you can't control.

I had no idea what this poem even meant.  This poem has so many different sides to it, it has deeper meanings and he says things without saying them; it makes me want to write like him.

This is for You.

This is for you.


This, this is for the undecided majors.  This is for the loners.  This is for the teenagers cursed with love.  This is for the heartbroken.  This is for the greasers and the preps and the jocks and the nerds.

Stop and breathe.

This is for the fat girls.  This is for the skinny guys.  This is for the anorexic.  This is for the bingers and the geeks and the police chiefs. This is for the heartbroken mothers and the brothers out fighting in war.  This is for the tear drops and the failures.

Stop and breathe.

This is for the people who used to believe in love.  This is for those who still believe in love.  This is for the people who gave up.  This is for the sinners, the winners.  This is for the liars and cheaters.  This is for the criers and the believers.  This is for the stoners and those who let their dream fall right through their fingers.

Stop and breathe.  Take a minute to soak it all up.  Because all this, is the reality folks.  When you're dying to change and changing to live instead of die.  When you're fighting against the pain and can't help but ask if you're still sane.  When you are trying to forget all the bad and ignore all the rotten things in your life; Stop and breathe.

Don't waste another second of your freaking life.
Yeah, you're barely above the surface, but you're not dead.
So, stop and breathe.
It, will be alright.

Inspiration from Gandhi.

This is probably something you have heard before.  Something everyone else says because, at the end of the day, we are all the same.

But we're not all the same.  If we were all the same, it would be a pretty boring life....
If we could all rhyme like that one guy,
or all jump off a cliff and fly.
If we could all sing, cook, dance, and play the sax,
It'd be boring to the max.

We wouldn't be able to call ourselves unique.
But who is unique in a world full of seven billion people?

I keep forgetting to be different.
I keep forgetting to be the one to speak out to you.
To be the one to stand up and say something's not okay.
I keep forgetting that sometimes, you need to be out of your comfort zone.
I keep forgetting to be real, and I want to be real, for every second of my life.  For every second that counts.

Because it's so easy to blend in, so easy to not be seen, because there are so many people.

When do we own ourselves completely?

Because we're too busy trying to be like everyone else.  Too busy trying to be normal and avoid being a minority.

You know, no one has this whole life thing figured out.
But let me tell you something.

At the end of the day, I don't want to be like everyone else.
I want to own myself and not rely on what people think of me.
At the end of the day, I want to be just me.  Something no one has seen before.

You may have heard something like this before; it's because it's the stuff that makes us a little bit different yet the same.

Inspiration.
And tonight's not the last time I'm gonna see the light.

My Journey

Oridinary World: I live in Spanish Fork, barely have any friends, I'm a freaking weird kid.

Call to Adventure: I move to Cedar Hills.  Gain lots of friends and I'm still a freaking weird kid.

Refusal to Call: Jr. High/High School.  It's a pretty socially awkward time frame and you don't really know what to except or what's going on.  At least it was for me.

Meeting with Mentor: is God my mentor? hmmm.  I guess that counts....

Crossing the Threshold: trusting many people.

Tests, Allies, Enemies: Lose some friends, still very shy.  Lose friends to drugs.  Gossip ruining people's lives.

Approach: Deciding whether or not to try out drugs, kind of defining who I was at the time.

Ordeal: Parent's divorce, being insecure.

Reward: Living through hard times and realizing it will be okay in the end.

The Road Back: Seeing old friends and old habits and trying not to get into those things.  Knowing I don't need that crap  in my life.

Resurrection: Standing on my own ground even if it's not what my friends or family like, doing what's best for me and having a better life. I create my own life.

Return with Elixir: Knowing to never, ever give up.

Hero: Me
Mentor: God? haha.
Threshold Guardian: friends.
Herald: Mother
Shapeshifter: drug friends
Shadow: Rumor friends
Trickster: Boys, haha.

Film Analysis

Forever Strong.

Oridinary World: Rick lives in Arizona where his days consist of partying and drinking with his friends and girlfriend, he plays rugby with his distant father as his coach.  His family life isn't ideal.

Call to Adventure: Gets a DUI, seriously injures his girlfriend and gets sent to Juvi in Salt Lake City.  He is asked to join the Highland Rugby team, his home rivals.

Refusal to the Call: Rick beats up some one in Juvi and has no desire to change himself.
 

Meeting with the Mentor: Marcus, his mentor, tells him he needs to change, he can't go to Arizona the same kid.  Another mentor is Coach Gelwix, the coach of the Highland team.
 

Crossing the Threshold: Starts to play with the Highland Rugby team.
 

Tests, Allies, Enemies: Friend from home sends drugs in a Rugby ball.  He has a problem with Q, a teammate.  He becomes Captain of the Highland Rugby team.
 

Approach: His old friends want him to play for the Flagstaff team, his home team. "I want you to be Forever strong on the field, so that you'll stay forever strong off it." - Coach Gelwix.
 

Ordeal: His friend, and teammate, Kurt dies from being hit by a drunk driver.  His dad picks him up from Juvi, a year later, fro his early release based on good reports from Marcus.
 

Reward: He becomes captain and he is a Highland team member and he has found some place where he is loved and where he belongs.
 

The Road Back: His dad picks him up from Juvi, a year later, for his early release based on good reports from Marcus.  His old friends are stupid with old habits.  Rick has changed for the better.  His friends get him arrested, because his "friends" framed him with drugs and alcohol. Rick and father have a fight about his past and what's going on.
 

Resurrection: Tells his friends he's changed and how he is a Highland player now.  He wasn't doing drugs or alcohol.  "Coach Gelwix took away my life." - Dad. "Well he gave me mine." - Rick.
 

Return with Elixir: His father stands up for him and gives him confidence.  Rick and dad reunite.  He is a Highland player and he is Forever Strong.

 

Archetypes:

Hero: Rick: learns to be a different person, forever strong.

Mentor:Marcus, Coach Gelwix

Threshold Guardian: Coach Gelwix

Herald: Father

Shapeshifter: Old Friends

Shadow: Old Friends

Trickster: Old Friends.

Ordinary World.

Tracy's birthday was next week, 19 years old.

She's pretty excited.  She's young, and loving life.  Living among the streets of Chicago and has the greatest boyfriend.  She is a beautiful girl who has an impeccable imagination and creativity about life.  Her life is art.


She was unfathomable.  She could draw anything; when she drew, she put her soul into it.

She started to draw one day, what seemed to look like a tree.  All of the sudden she had the sudden urge to puke her stomach out.  After she did, she got another horrible sick feeling, but it was different this time.

Travis was a regular 20 year old, with a killer intellegence going for him.  He had a beautiful girlfriend and was loving life.  Speaking of which, she was calling.
It was so sweet to hear her voice, but it had a different tone to it.  Worried, yet excited.
Travis couldn't breathe.
He dropped the phone.

Tracy was back to her drawing of the tree.  She doesn't have the same inspiration because her whole world had changed in 2 ways.  She was pregnant, and her boyfriend was long gone.

She draws an amazing picture of a tree being so strong and free on one side, and wilted and broken on the other.

Questions:
What will happen to Tracy and the baby?
Will Travis come back?
How will her life change even more?

Blurbs.

Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen:
What a debatable, beloved song this is.  It fights between the meaning of  life, love or deeper meanings.  A deep song that does in fact, move you.  When every thing is left cold and broken, all you can say is, Hallelujah.


Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade:
Katie loves Dave, but when it comes down to it, she thinks she can do better, but Dave knows this, so he thinks she will leave him for that other guy, he can live without her, but without her, he'll be miserable at best.

Old School by Hedley:
Remembering the good old days of when you were young, and taking that adventure before you grow up.  Every one clings to their youth, so don't close your eyes, or you'll fade away.

My Story.

 Hey, what's up? yeah, you're 17 and you're almost an adult? I don't think so.  I don't like that idea. 

Do you remember when you were 7?  And your friend told you that she won't be your friend unless you walked bare foot over broken glass.  You're not stupid, that's gonna hurt.  She never really spoke to you again, but she was crazy anyway, so it's okay.


Remember when you were 6 and all you did was chase boys around the playground? and then they told you you had bugs in your hair and teeth?  See, now those were the good, fun times.


Remember when you just turned 15 and your parents got divorced? Ya, that was hard, still is.  Remember when your group of friends split up? yeah that was hard too.  Remember those times you felt lonely?  Ya, that sucked.


Remember how you're shy and awkward? How it's so hard to talk to boys. Yeah, now that's more stories for another day.  Remember how you found flowers on your door step?  Ha ha, good day.  Remember that day you looked inside your coffee cup and the foam made a heart?  It was too cool not to take a picture.

It's those little things that life's all about.  Looking back, I believe the theme is love.  Love is all you need. 

Over-all, you get bits and pieces of my story.  My story seems too average though.  I'm just another person, with another story.  So why am I different?  Get to know me and you'll find out.

Or maybe, I am just like every one else... I HOPE NOT. 

KEY:
Red: Character
Blue: Plot
Green: Setting
Italized and Underlined: Conflict
Bold: Theme

Found Poem.

Writer's Inc. 003:
"Read the bold statement above, read it again; repeat it after every meal; have it tattooed on your arm and by all means remember it every time you write.
Let this statement be your constant reminder that when you write, you are often involved in uncharted thinking and exploring. 
For example, at the beginning of this process, you may be searching for possible subjects that related to your assignment. 
At another point, you may be experimenting with different ways to write about one of these subjects. 
Later on, you may be searching for the perfect idea to tie all your main points together."


Found Poem: Remember, you.

The beginning of every main idea is a bold statement.
Remember when you write: experiment, search and

BE DIFFERENT.

Remember, Let it be.

Read it AGAIN.
Remember that l a t e r on, you'll change it for the perfect words to TIE it all together.
You are involved in an uncharted process called literature.
Remember it's yours.

Remember to always search for another way to write it.
So your statement is bolder than ever.
Begin.

Looking through the Glass.

A fragile, petite girl was swinging on her old swing set for the last ten minutes that she could; tracing her fingers up, down and through the cold chains.

She hasn't spoken in almost four days.

And she doesn't want to leave.

The moving vans just finished packing up.  She lived here her whole life, but it was too painful to be here anymore.  She didn't want things to change so fast.

She's terrified.

Her Daddy pulls up in the black car.
He walks towards her holding back tears.
"Have you got everything sweetheart?" he said in a gentle voice.
"Yes, but I'm not going back inside that house" she said her high, sad voice.
"Okay, I understand" he said softly.
"Are you ready to go?"

She looked up at him with tears of heartache rushing down her small, angelic face and whispered,
"Daddy, I don't want to go."
Tears erupt from his sad, blue eyes as he embraced his small angel.

They wept together in a sorrowful hug.

He carried her to the car and slid into the back seat as Grandpa backed up the black car.
The fragile, petite girl looked through the glass at the sad house.
"I love you Daddy, and Mommy" She breathed.
"I love you too, and Mommy" Daddy whispered.

He hugged her tighter as they drove to Mommy's funeral.

One Word.

FREE.

Freedom is that sweet watermelon in the summer heat.  Freedom is crying after you found out that he cheated.  Freedom is eating 50 pounds of greasy food on a Tuesday night just because you're with your fellas.  Freedom is moving out after graduation day.  Freedom is love.  Freedom is music.

Freedom is NOT suicide.  Freedom is NOT discrimination.  Freedom is NOT money. 

being free is being yourself no matter what.

being free is going for your dreams no matter how huge they may be.

being free is allowing yourself to fall.

being free is not free.  But can't obtain being free, you can only be it.

being free is dancing the night away.

being free is never giving up.

being free is... hard.

It seems so easy to do whatever you please, so doesn't that mean that life would be easy? well it's not.  

Life is hard.  You gotta be who you want to be.

We design our dreams, our wants, fears.

We design our lives.

Then, just then,

we become free.

Rock out like That day has Arrived.

You have been given a direct order to rock out.

Rock out like it's 1979.  Like it's a busy street and you're blind.  Rock out like you won the lottery, like you won a free burrito.  Rock out like a ride in that smooth Maserati.  Rock out like it's nobody's business.  Rock out like it's graduation day.

Rock out like you'll never die, like there's no tomorrow.

Rock out like the party never stops.  Rock out like your parents were still together.  Rock out like music's all you got.  Rock out like you just walked on water.  Rock out like you've never rocked out before!  Rock out like you've never been told to.  Rock out like a rebel, like you just heard your favorite song for the first time.

Rock out like things never changed and things stayed the same.

Rock out like you got the last twinkie in the box.  Rock out like you just got transparent socks.

Rock out like you felt like you mattered... to them.

Rock out like you don't know anything!  Rock out like you know everything!  Rock out like you made the winning touchdown.  Rock out like your heart just broke for the first time.  Rock out like you don't know yourself.  Rock out like KISS rocks out.  Head banging baabby.  yeaah buddy.

Rock out like that day has arrived.

Rock out like you don't know.

Rock out like you've never lived.

Rock out like you were clean:

from reputation

from drugs

from all the things you said

from all the things you did

from all the mistakes you made.

Rock out like you have no regrets.

Rock out like you just jumped off the edge of a cliff, rock out because you can fly.

Rock out like you can break dance.

Rock out like you just broke out of jail.

Rock out like your dreams just came true.

Rock out because your scared to.

ROCK OUT LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

because it does.

Dead.

Life is Beautiful. I don't know what it's like to lose someone very close to me, but I feel for all you out there that has lost someone dear.  We don't realize what we have until it's gone.  Recognize the beauty in EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.

Dying:

1: Physically losing your life.

2: Emotionally or mentally oblivious.

3: Gone.

4: Without pleasure or purpose.

5: On the verge of any of the above.

I don't know about you, but I'm freaking scared of dying.  So what am I gonna do?

Live.

I'm gonna rock out.

I'm gonna dance.

I'm gonna be stupid, because you don't get smart without experimenting.

I'm gonna be smart.

I'm gonna tell them how I really feel and hope I don't get rejected.

I'm gonna hope.

I'm gonna take chances.

I'm gonna fail.

I'm gonna spend time with those I love.
I'm gonna accept what happens.

I'm gonna kiss them, before I die.

BEFORE I DIE.

What the heck.

We're gonna die. Eff.

Better make it count.

I wanna run away, I wanna have money, I wanna find love, I wanna be loved, I wanna face them, I wanna be some body, I wanna show the world that I can be some body who doesn't care what other people think, some body who wasn't afraid.

BUT I AM AFRAID.

I am afraid.

I'm afraid of boring people, I'm afraid of boring people.  I'm afraid of being alone forever, I'm afraid no one cares, I'm afraid that I'm shy.  I'm afraid of loving someone who doesn't love me.  I'm afraid of failing,

NO. Wait!  I'm not afraid of failing, because we learn by failure.

I'm afraid of failing someone of something, like trust.

I ' M  A F R A I D  O F  E V E R Y T H I N G .

I'm afraid of nothing.

I'm afraid of HATE.  I'm afraid of LOVE.  I'm afraid of loving you, then losing you.

I don't know about you, but I'm freaking scared of dying.  So what am I gonna do?

We'll see what happens while I'm enjoying my life while I can.  Peace.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

I walk alone.
I walk alone.

These streets are filled with people, scribbled in every space.
Yet,  that doesn't matter. No matter what I try to do, no one can hear my vibrant voice.
I see a BROKEN TYPEWRITER with nothing but a sentence written.

I walk alone.
I walk alone.

Broken buildings, washed out streets, ruined cars are what I see.
I see a jar of unspoken words.
Billboards plastered with dancing people, because dancing with you is a broken dream.

I walk alone.

I see a broken stethoscope,
a rusty needle,
a split scalpel.
A shattered heart.
I see a couple holding hands.

I walk...

Being a good kid comes with a cheap price.
I feel gossip drip out of young people's lips like poison.
I walk into a deserted Jazz lounge.
I see a broken, dusty piano.  

Keys on the floor, crushed.

I walk outside, I can't see those lovely stars.

A raindrop splashes my face; cold as the Arctic Ocean.

I  s e e  a n  a b a n d o n e d  w e d d i n g  a l t e r with wilted, white roses and thorns intertwined. 

Thorns jostle my heart and dreams. 

I walk alone.

I'm thinking about you.

You asked me who I think about.

Oh, how I wish I could say, I think about you.

I'm thinking about you like people think about money, like bears think about honey.

How the Joker thinks It's funny,

how much I think about you.

I think about you like artists think about art, like love thinks about hearts and hearts think about love.

Like cupid thinks about love.  How kids think about mud.

No, I don't know what love is or how to explain it, but I know I love thinking about you.

I'm thinking about you like misery thinks about happiness, like the sky thinks about stars.

How paparazzi think about stars, like aliens think about mars.

I'm thinking about you like guys think about girls and girls think about guys.

Like Juliet thinks about Romeo, like those kids who love the song we know.

I'm thinking about you like yesterday dreams about tomorrow, like dancers think about dancing and surfers think about the waves and fish think about the ocean, how girls think about drama and actors think about drama and how sluts think about karma?

...

It doesn't matter what the comparison is, I'm always thinking about you.

You felt the awkward, long pause and you asked again who I think about.

I replied, "I could be in a room full of people and feel alone, until I'm thinking about them."

Until I'm thinking about you.

Love is....

Love is a w a t e r f a l l.
Love is a football game.
Love is music.
Love is dancing.
Love is a movie.
Love is a hurricane.
Love is a love song.
L  o  v  e   i  s   a   r  u  n  a  w  a  y   t  r  a  i  n  .
Love is a rock concert.
Love is a hairless monkey. (unexpected.)
Love is a gamble.
Love is a memory.
Love is walking on tight rope.
Love is a tangled chain.
Love is a busy street.
Love is goodbye.

Intro

One can describe high school as the best time of their life.  Others would disagree.  In my perspective, it's one crazy, unexpected ride, but it's worth it.  Dispite all the rumors, lies, labels, lost friends, and bad reputations; you gotta love high school.  Creativeness is perhaps not only an antidote from dullness, but a gift.  A gift each person has and can expand their imagination endlessly.  Each person has their own views and ideas which make our world so wonderfully diverse.

So get ready for a Reality Check, because I sure hope this is mine.  A place described as surreal, yet real, from inside myself (Cheesy? Yes.)